You read that headline correctly, LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP roundup.  None of that lamestream Premier League brainwash you’ve been fed your entire life.  There’s a whole world of professional footy out there that you’re not following enough.  Granted, it’s never on TV (at least in the US), doesn’t make any other headlines, has zero fans (Wealdstone Raider! No idea why this guy is famous), and the quality of football is considerably lower than a handful of other pro leagues, but whatever.  It’s still an exciting league with plenty of story lines and three of these teams will be playing up in your treasured Premier League next season, so pay some god damn attention.

Storyline Number 1: AFC Bournemouth

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?  (Alright before I get too far into my condescending rant on how you don’t watch the League Championship, I’ll admit I just checked the league table and had neither seen nor heard about this until yesterday.) Regardless!  This is a fascinating story.  AFC Bournemouth were in League One just two seasons ago and are on a meteoric rise to Premier League supremacy.  They got promotion to the Championship in 2012/13 and currently sit on top of the table at just about halfway through the season.  I don’t care if you have no idea what shape a football is (round, not oblong, for the record) this is impressive.

Backed by a Russian mogul, or sorts, this team has climbed the ranks of two league tables in just 3 seasons and are poised to set themselves up for serious contention for promotion come May.  What a story!  You can’t make this stuff up and this is reason #1 to follow the Championship.

But with every Cinderella story there comes a serious challenge (Does there? I’m actually not that familiar with the story of Cinderella).  And the challenge that the Cherries (!) face is the aforementioned Russian mogul.  Assuming you follow international news as closely as you follow the League Championship, I’ll fill you in – Russia ain’t doin so hot.  The rubble is crumbling and inflation is through the roof.  Arsenal shareholder Alisher Usmanov and Chelski owner Roman Abramovich collectively lost £806 million the other week due to Putin’s gross incompetence and small penis.  God knows what the hell AFC Bournemoth’s owner lost in that time but I’m guessing he can’t afford to lose quite that much.  So the future of this south coast club is certainly in question, but I hope that at least no one cashes this guy’s checks for another 6 months and they gain promotion.

Storyline Number 2:  Owners

Segway’ing nicely from AFC Bournemouth’s Russian owner comes a couple other story lines on Championship team owners.

First up, Dave Whelan –

Not touching this with a ten foot pole.

Eerrrrmmm…..

Second up, Vincent Tan –

Quietly skirting around the issue of us not updating this site in months, I forget exactly where we left off with this clown shoe.  This guy is a colossal doofus and continues to alienate himself from his fans and club, swiftly removing a hundred years of tradition by refusing to change the team colors back to their historic blue because he’s got some fanatical and unfound obsession with red being more globally recognizable.

“After all, the red dragon is the symbol and national flag of Wales.”  Oh!  Well, all is forgotten then, go right ahead.

He does provide some pretty consistent entertainment though, so we don’t hope he goes anywhere any time soon.  He will, however, continue to run the club into the ground and I feel bad for their supporters.

Storyline Number 3: Emile Heskey is back!

Once a savior and hero of English football, domestically and internationally, Emile Heskey has signed a short term deal with Bolton.  New manager and former Celtic general Neil Lennon is off to a hot start at Bolton signing the 36 year old (bullshit, has to be at least 40) striker.  Guarantee he suffers a career ending injury before March.

Perfect form

That’s all for now.  We’ll check back here in a couple months to see just where AFC Bournemouth actually stand in the table and whether or not Russia is still a functioning country.

17 seasons. 695 total club appearances. 180 club goals. Legend.

Has he lost a step? Yes. Does he fit into the new 5-2-3 system at Anfield? No. Will he be missed? You fuckin’ better believe it. The lad from Merseyside who signed with his boyhood club at age 9 will be exiting just before his 35th birthday. Even though the writing was on the wall after the first few months of this season, it’s still a tough pill to swallow for most LFC fans. He has been operating as a shell of his former self and in my opinion, he hasn’t been able to shake the ghosts from meltdown at the end of the 2013-2014 campaign and the debacle that was the England national team at the 2014 World Cup. Liverpools failure to advance in the Champions League didn’t do him any favors either.

After 17 years, it looks as though he has quite simply run out of gas. Liverpool seem to be gelling and playing better during his spells on the bench and are moving towards a much more fast paced and free flowing style that he cannot keep up with. According to the rumour mill, he is expected to sign a deal with retirement MLS club LA Galaxy which would be a great fit for the aging star.

Please sit back and relax/cry over some of this classic Stevie G goal porn that I dug up on youtube.

BBC – Fifa says it will not pay compensation to clubs and leagues unhappy about plans to play the 2022 Qatar World Cup in November and December. It also said no apology was necessary for the scheduling of the tournament, which will disrupt a number of leagues.

I really don’t have the time today to go on a massive rant, but whatever here goes nothing.

How on Earth could an organization be more corrupt than FIFA? FIFA is literally making Putin blush with this move for the Qatar 2022 World Cup to be held during November and December. It’s only being held IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEASON FOR ALL OF THE MAJOR DOMESTIC SOCCER LEAGUES IN THE WORLD. Are you kidding me? How is this happening?

I dare you to watch that video without cringing.

The World Cup has always been a summertime refuge for footy fans around the world who are jonesing for some meaningful football in the short, but depressing, league soccer offseasons. The fact that it is going to be held in the footy epicenter known as Qatar is already enough to raise an eyebrow. FIFA received competing bids from the likes of England, Spain, Portugal, Argentina and the USA. Is there even a domestic league in Qatar? I’m sure Ali Camel Leagua is a very entertaining league, but it hardly gives any merit to the football culture in the small Gulf nation. Also, the small issue of the normal temperature in July being over 120 Degrees? No worries, they can play footy in that right? I could go on for days with the whole “World Cup being held in Qatar” thing, but that’s already been laid out for the whole world to see by pundits from around the Globe, and the truth of the matter is simply that Sepp Blatter and co don’t give a fuck what you think.

I’ve gotta say that if I have to chose 1 as my favorite, it’s going to Henderson and that’s mostly because I didn’t see it coming. Typically when Hendo shoots my immediate reaction is ‘palm to forehead,’ so this was a nice little reward for waking up at 6:45am to catch a footy match.  Let the Hendo/Gerrard comparisons begin!…..Okay maybe not but that was still an absolute snipe.

Coutinho on the otherhand is absolutely redhot right now and in the form of his life. I honestly don’t know where he pulls the power out of his 5’7″ frame for these golazos, but I’m not going to question it. He has scored 3 belters in the month of February after signing his new contract which puts him at Anfield until 2020. I think that it is safe to say that the Brazilian is happy where he is and that is really shining through in his game. His major drawback since coming over to Anfield 3 years ago was his finishing, and I think its safe to say he’s got a pretty solid handle on that part of his game at the moment.

A 2-1 win over Manchester City at Anfield to get within 2 points of Champions League qualification? A midweek home game against Burnley? The fuck is going on in Merseyside? I like it.

Live shot of me walking through the doors at the office tomorrow morning: